WHAT?? Twitter Edition

February 15, 2010 1 comment

As any Twitter user knows, a quick scan of any “Trending Topic” will quickly introduce you to some of the dumbest people alive. Here is just a snapshot of some of the drivel I found within 10 minutes:

@mariaza127 26 sex #makesmesomad so i make my Boyfriend horny by done v-day kiss like this http://cli.gs/sexykiss mmmmmmm #ohjustlikeme #nowplaying

@oBiEvsFRESH #makesmesomad when people text back “lol” wasting my time! gettin my hopes up in shit… LMAO they didnt knw what else 2 say

@EvolutionOfSean: #makesmesomad when I hold the door and yo stuck up ass doesn’t say thank you. Next time Ima let it shut on yo weave.

iCeyy_McFLyy #makesmesomad when niqqasz claim to have swaq whit a collection of new balancesx lol

This is why the internet was invented.

This Day in Time (Travel)

February 4, 2010 2 comments

The Grandfather Paradox

Today’s lesson in time travel theory centers around The Grandfather Paradox. So read on and allow your mind to blow.

Let us pretend for a moment that you are Adolf Hitler. You are knee deep in the Jewish Genocide and are responsible for the death of millions during World War II. Except you are a Hitler with compassion. You have decided that what you have done is incomprehensible. Suicide is not enough. You need to make it like you never existed so that all the wrong in the world that you created can never have originally happened. Whelp, good thing you bought that time machine from that Gypsy a few years ago! You will simply go back in time and kill your Grandfather before he meets your Grandmother. Thus ultimately preventing your death from ever occuring.

Sad times, Hitler. Going back in time to kill your Grandfather to prevent your birth is a paradoxical impossibility.

The reason why is a fairly simple concept but is difficult to ascertain. Going back in time to kill your Grandfather would prevent your birth from ever occurring in the first place, right? Sorta.

You see, this creates a paradox. If you went back and killed your Grandfather you would prevent your birth. However, if your birth never occurs, then you could never be alive in the first place to go back in time to kill your Grandfather. Therefore, there would not be anyone to travel back in time and kill your Grandfather. Your Grandfather would continue on the exact same path as if you never traveled back in the time in the first place, he’d still meet your Grandmother, and eventually you will be born.

Exciting stuff, no?

image courtesy of: here


Reel Time

February 1, 2010 1 comment

As you may recall, back in October 2009 I challenged myself to watch 365 movies in one year. As I began this challenge in January I realized that 365 is going to be nearly impossible to complete. No matter! The new name of the challenge? “How Many Movies Will I watch in 2010?” It has a better ring to it, I think.

Regardless, below is the list of movies I watched in January. Films in bold will be discussed below. My ratings are the asterisks after the title and are out of 5. What is on your list?

  1. The Lovely Bones *
  2. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian ****
  3. The Hammer ***
  4. Away We Go ****
  5. Taking Woodstock **
  6. Thirst ****
  7. Big Fan ****
  8. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs *****
  9. The Girlfriend Experience ***
  10. The Road ***
  11. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell *
  12. Sherlock Holmes **
  13. The Proposal **
  14. Flash of Genius **
  15. 2012 **
  16. Junebug ****
  17. Drag Me to Hell ***
  18. Crazy Heart *****
  19. Crank **
  20. (500) Days of Summer (Commentary track) *****

Thirst (2009)

Hey kids, like vampires? Hey kids, like movies about vampires? Hey kids, think The Twilight Saga is a fucking abomination to film (because it is)? Then Thirst is for you. The Japanese subtitled film is an R-rated movie about a vampire who is not afraid to act on sexual tension (unlike the aforementioned Twilight). The movie follows a doctor  who devotes his living body to science. After a medical experiment goes wrong the protagonist finds himself only able to continue living via the typical vampire means. What makes this film better than most vampire movies is that the main character has to struggle both internally and externally with living with himself and others as a vampire.

Crazy Heart (2009)

Often called The Wrestler for country music, Crazy Heart has been stealing much of the potential Oscar buzz this year. Actor Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski) delivers a stunning performance of a washed up country music performer who finds himself clawing for every dollar while many of the much more successful musicians credit him for their inspiration. A supporting role played by Maggie Gyllenhaal (The Dark Knight) helps round out the relatively small cast and actor (although not in this film) and first time writer/director Scott Cooper proves that a great film can be led through characterization.

Quick Thoughts: Avatar

December 18, 2009 2 comments

Here are some quick thoughts on FernGully: The Live Action Adventure Avatar…

Avatar is not the best film this year. This movie easily ranks in the top 10 for 2009 and possibly cracks the top 5, but number 1 does not go to the men in blue.That being said (thanks Larry David for forever ruining this phrase) Avatar is a great, great film.

The plot is nothing new. Yeah, the universe is spectacular and the guy (James Cameron – Director/Writer, Titanic) came up with his own freakin’ language, but there’s nothing in Avatar that hasn’t been said by most action-films-with-heart.

The acting is “meh” and follows the action film casting cliche’: Main guy whom you have no idea how he got this role but is probably trying to use it as a launching pad for his career (Sam WorthingtonTerminator Salvation, Nothing Else Worth Mentioning), the quirky guy from random things that probably doesn’t need to be in an action film (Joel MooreDodgeball, Other Funnies), and the washed up actor who has a special connection to the filmmaker (Sigourney WeaverAliens duh). No one is going to win any Academy Awards for acting here.

Acting and story aside, however, (and neither are that bad at all, but are just the shortcomings of the film) this is the most visually stunning movie I have ever seen. If you have even the slightest interest in Avatar go see it in theaters. I remember thinking during the film “OK, so the blue people are a really good use of motion capturing – something that was invented in The Matrix Reloaded so what?” But then I remembered that the entire planet of Pandora is entirely CGI. Think about this when you look at the environment. The blades of grass. The trees. The sky. All absolutely breath taking. Think about the fact that basically, the outdoor scenes are no different than The Polar Express or the new Christmas Carol film. The difference is that James Cameron and his crew makes them look absolutely real. Very impressive.

So overall, is this the technological masterpiece of film making that has been promised to us since July? Yes. Simple and blunt. Yes. This movie is visually stunning. And believe it or not the 3-D works well and doesn’t distract from the movie at all. The story is magical, detailed, and unique – but it won’t leave you thinking “Wow! I’ve never seen THIS before!” but don’t let that deter you. This movie is a magical achievement in film making.

OK, that wasn’t so quick afterall.

By the way, did anyone else find Leonardo DiCaprio’s cameo where he sketches a nude Na’vi a little cheesy?


November 12, 2009 Leave a comment

NASA seems to think the world is safe on Dec. 21, 2012.

John Cusack seems to feel otherwise.

Just to be safe, I have entered myself into a lottery so that I may be spared so that I may help repopulate the Earth in case something happens.

One thing is for certain, we Earthlings are in for a pretty shitty movie out of the whole deal.

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1000 Awful Things: #988 Public Apple Eaters

November 12, 2009 Leave a comment

You know the sound. You probably even cringed when you saw the picture. Awful Thing #988 is truly awful; the sound of someone eating an apple.

It is very difficult to describe the sound. How can a solid food somehow manage to be slurped while being crunched? Somehow, the sound that is projected, at seemingly 100 decibels, can only be established as a cross between a piece of paper getting torn in half while someone slurps the bottom of a milkshake and simultaneously crunches into a gigantic carrot. And the worst part? There is no proper way to eat an apple to avoid this sound. My advice, eat in private.


Inspired by: M

Image courtesy of: here

1000 Awful Things: #989 Holding The Door Open for Someone

November 9, 2009 2 comments


OK, I know what you are thinking. No, I am not a completely inconsiderate ass-hat, despite what this blog implies — especially this post.

What I am, however, is a hater. In this particular example, I hate awkward situations. One of these awful awkward situations stems from the implied courtesy that is required by all citizens of the Earth to hold the door open for the person behind.

Imagine the situation where you are approaching a door and you know someone is behind you, but you are not positive how far. You do not turn around to look back because this its obvious your sizing up the situation.

Now imagine you get to said door with all intents on holding the door so that the person behind can easily glide on through. Then the worst happens. You turn around only to see that the lurker behind is at such a distance where letting the door go says “I have evaluated this situation and I am too important to wait for you to trek yourself to me” but holding the door presents the “I have gotten myself in way over my head here. If you do not hurry and get here I just might eat your face” assumption.

Personally, my rule of thumb is if the person behind you does not get to the door by the time you are able to pry that sucker open, then all courtesy is off. Either way this situation just sucks.


image courtesy of: here